So, I was kind of on a short roll there with this blogging. Then I just stopped. A lot of things in my life just stopped. First of all, I wasn't really feeling great about the dating thing. I just wasn't feeling a connection with guys. I couldn't figure out if it was me or them. Am I too closed off or are the guys talking to me just blah. Well, I didn't have long to contemplate because the next thing to happen to me was to be laid off from the company I had been with for 8 years. I was laid off Fedex Kinko's on September 26, 2008 just days from my 8th year anniversary on Oct. 2.
The layoff was a surreal experience. I had already been through it twice before with them and by this time I felt like a pro. I had been down the road for various reasons and results in the past. This was no different than before but at least I was still getting paid. In fact they kept the 300+ people on payroll till November 28th, the day before my birthday. Wow, this company really knows how to make a person feel good! Happy Birthday, see ya! At least this time I was getting a decent severance package - 4 months to be exact. Woo hoo!
Initially, I was all set to run out and get a job so I could bank some money. That would be the smart thing to do! LOL Then I wanted to take a vacation but Aspen's school schedule didn't work out for that and I basically felt uncomfortable running off at Thanksgiving since I didn't know what I wanted to do yet. So we stuck around town and had a nice time with friends. It was very relaxing. I should have run off to Sedona like I originally wanted to do but I let fear of the uncertainty cloud me.
As luck would have it, Aspen was going through some really rough times at her new school. Her grades were suffering, her behavior was suffering and she was basically a complete jerk to live with. Since I didn't have a job, it was a lot easier to stay on top of her and the school regarding her performance. I spent a lot of time emailing and calling teachers as well as chaperoning for her orchestra class. I was doing as much as I could to stay in contact with the school and monitoring Aspen at home as well. No longer was she a latch key kid. I was and still am home everyday she gets home from school which has not been the norm in our lives. This is structure she really needed and didn't enjoy at first. Now that she is adjusted to it, I think she might actually miss if I am not here when gets off the bus.
Next my dad decided to come to see us at my new house. He also wanted to clean out his garage/barn and fill my garage with the crap that has been stored there for the last 5 years!! Ugggghhhhh! Now I am back at square -55 (going backwards instead of forward). Oh well, it was cool having my dad stay with us and driving him around the city. My family is not very close so to do anything together is out of the ordinary! I also decided to jump in the truck with him and drive back to Wyoming for Xmas. So we packed up the car with Xmas gifts for the family, some clothes and the dogs and off we went. I also reserved a one way rental car from Denver to Cheyenne for $340 which was way cheaper than round trip plane tickets and the cost of boarding 2 dogs at the kennel.
It was a nice trip. Very cold weather that was too cold to snow so it made for good driving conditions. People in Texas always love that comment - too cold to snow? Yes, that is why I left the frozen tundra of the north - too cold and too windy!! I met up with a few old friends from high school and hung with my family. I spent the day and night in Denver on my way back to Texas. That was loads of fun to be able to reconnect with a couple of people in Denver. The best part of driving was not being on a set time frame that an airline ticket would have imposed. I loved the freedom to come and go as I pleased and not worry if I was off schedule by an hour or so. Hell, I didn't even set a schedule! I just went with the flow and I loved it!
So here I am back in Texas. I have decided that I need to go back for a Master's Degree in Psychology. I also need to find some good employment that will offer me the flexibility to work and go to school but still pay my bills timely. I am on unemployment and still waiting for my first payment since my former employer has not responded the inquiries about my employment status. So not only do they lay us off and make us sign a Non Compete Agreement (god forbid should be allowed to find employment with someone that would want our skills or knowledge) they don't respond to the Unemployment Office so we don't get paid on time. So, do I feel bad they let me go or that I decided to take the severance instead of securing alternative employment with the company?? Hell no, I do not feel bad. I deserve this break no matter how frugal or uninspired it may seem to others.
So my current goals are to get some more resumes out to the city and find the right job. I need to research the GRE testing and study for it to prepare for applying to grad school in the fall. I also need to get my lazy ass back in the gym. I need to start doing things that inspire me again like writing and reading. I have been reading quite a bit but not writing. So I am rejuvenating my blog again. I think it is therapeutic to write. Whether it is on paper or on a computer. It stimulates the mind. It helps a person look at their thoughts or feelings and truly grasp or realize how they can make changes. It can also stimulate you to realize what you have accomplished by writing it down and remembering what you are doing in day to day life. I feel like I have been so stagnant the last couple of months. Actually, physically I was stagnant but mentally my mind was churning. It was spinning somedays trying to figure out what the next step was going to be. There were days I just had thoughts swirling around trying to find what ideas made me squirm and what ideas invoked passion for me. I needed to find out what do I want to do?? Where I wanted to go. Should I leave and pursue my dream of living in Hawaii? I could attend school there too. What about Aspen, is better to stay so she can have a stable environment for school and friends? There were million things going through my head and it was hard to sort it all out. I am still not done. It is all a work in process but this is a beginning for me.
Why at age 37 am I questioning what I will be when I grow up, still??? Shouldn't I know by now? Shouldn't I have all the answers by now? I am almost 40 and what have I accomplished in this life? Is that important? Does it matter more to me or to other people? What is the dream job and where do I want to retire someday? So many thoughts and questions have been though my head of the last few months. Now I need to take action and move forward. I have to remember not to squander this time and money I have been given because I know I will sorely regret it.
Until the next round...ding ding ding
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I definitely understand the feeling of still figuring out what you will be when you grow up. As usual, we are constantly stifled by the world's view of what the "right" age is to do things like go to college, have kids, get married, etc. Timelines are all around us. I am learning more and more everyday to say screw timelines and just go with my gut... I will let you know how that works out for me. :)
Post a Comment