Introspection

Written Jan 28, 2009 but never posted.
Funny I should stumble on it Jan 29, 2011 so here it is. Nothing changed just thought I would put it out there with the rest of my thoughts.

So, I have been talking to very old friend of mine lately. Not only is he an old friend he is an ex-boyfriend. He is not someone I dated for an extreme amount of time due to various circumstances but we always had a certain connection. He was someone I could talk to easily about any topic. We have kept in touch randomly over the years through email but never anything in depth. Then Facebook comes along (which is a whole topic in it's own) and now we chat or exchange emails a few times a week.

Last night we were chatting and he was asking about current pictures of me and I told him I have them on myspace. So he went there to check out my page. He sees my pictures, he reads my, about me, etc. He comes back and says some things about it like I don't seem happy and I don't seem to have a good impression of myself. He starts analyzing my pictures and telling me how stiff and posed all my pictures seem. I of course disagree. Then he gives me a compliment about how pretty or nice I look, which I am the worst person to accept a compliment graciously. I don't why but I don't really like random compliments it makes me feel uncomfortable. So of course he starts to analyze that. I laugh because it funny and of course put on the spot I didn't really have any decent responses to his comments.

Well after we got off the phone I started to look at my page thinking maybe he is right. Maybe I need to update my about me and add more pictures. I start re-reading the about me and looking at the blogs I posted and looking at pictures. I don't want to change my "about me" . I have intentionally left it the way it is so I don't forget how I felt when I moved here. I don't want to forget that time and place that I was at in my life.

When I started the myspace page, I had been in Texas about 3 years and a lot had happened to me during that time. I had not kept a journal in many years. I had not written down any thoughts about myself or my life since moving here. When myspace first came out - I treated like it sounds "myspace". Of course it evolved into a social gathering place where we act goofy, leave silly messages and stalk people that leave their profiles public. So in a sense I should change the "about me" to fit the environment but I am not going to because it represents something I wrote about myself that is honest and from the heart and I don't care who reads and I really don't care if I am misunderstood.