Dating - what does that mean?

So, I have been talking to some of you about the various intricacies of the dating world. The things we view as acceptable or not. We constantly ask, "Are our expectations too high?" "Has the women's liberation movement made us too strong?" "Are we hypocrits for wanting to have jobs, kids, partners that do laundry/cook, equal pay, and still be treated like a lady?" Is that we want to have our cake served to us on a silver platter but eat with a platinum fork?

I say there is nothing wrong with women having equal rights and the opportunity to pursue their dreams. I also think that the role of the man and woman can still be intact in the dating world. Just because we want the doors opened for us and the tab paid by the men doesn't mean we are greedy. There is nothing wrong with women hold power positions at work and still have a man treat her with respect by opening the doors and paying the tab. It is apart of nature for the males to pursue the women and woo them. In ancient times they fought for the right to claim you as their woman. As times evolved the fighting sometimes stopped but there was still the pursuit. The courtship was a major part of getting to know someone and finding out if they were the one.

I feel like dating today is so fast. There is no time to exchange emails before talking on the phone and once you talk on the phone there is the immediate jump to go on the date. Then you have to decide, will this be a first date kiss or not. By date 2 you pretty much know you are going to have to get the kiss out of the way because the guy is most likely going in for the kill. If you don't you will be labeled as a prude, immature, weird, etc. It's like jumping to the dessert before you have time to savor the appetizer and prepare for the dinner. It is not very satisfying.

I guess I am old fashioned when it comes to dating. I want to get to know people first. I want to be friends and find out the things that make them tick. Learn a little about what they do for a living, how they grew up as kids and a little about their day to day life. What their hobbies, who are their friends, what are their favorite foods, etc. Sure you can try and type it all up in a listed survey on one of the dating website but you miss out on the person's personalities.

I guess I am just out of sync with the rest of the modern world when it comes to dating. I am moving along through it okay but I do feel like there are pieces missing. It actually takes a lot effort to maneuver through the dating world both mentally and physically. It truly makes me understand why I always end of dating friends and co-workers, I already know a lot about them and it is easier to get to the core of a person when you are friends. I am learning and growing through the process. It will take me opening myself up more and allowing people in early on the process so that I can sift through the brown water as I search for my gold nugget in the dirt. Maybe one day I will be a pro at dating and not feel out of sync.

One thing I do know I am not going to sacrifice all my needs and wants. I want the man to open my doors, pay my tab, bring flowers, drive their own car and make the first move. I am tired of being in dead end relationships with men that don't know how to be a real man. No more men with endless debt and no ambition to go beyond their front door or to succeed in life. I want more for me and my future. As materialistic as it may sound, it really doesn't have a lot to do with money. The guy doesn't have to be rich. They just need to be fiscally sound and prepared to stay that way and make me feel spoiled even if they are just brining me a flower picked from a garden. A women can still feel spoiled with being showered with expensive gifts. It's all in the emotional thought and creative fortitude that will make the difference.

Feels like swimming through mud

So things have been very quiet in the dating world. I have received a couple emails and winks but no one really interesting. There was one guy that seemed like he could be interesting but he sent me one email and when I responded he wanted me to call him on the phone.

I don't know what everyone else thinks but I like to get a feel for someone via email first or maybe chatting. It's because I can't carry on a conversation but rather I think phone numbers are personal and I don't want to accidentally end up with someone that won't stop calling or texting me. It's just a little too personal when you haven't even agreed to meet someone or been asked to meet. So I would prefer to keep it online so that I can get a feel for the person.

When he requested that I call him, I politely explained that I wanted to email a few times before we jump onto the phone. I got a short email from him saying I understand and told me that his sisters signed him up a few months ago and he had met some interesting people bla bla bla. He didn't answer any of my questions from my first email. But I took this as a good sign that we could correspond via email for a bit so I responded divulging some more things about myself and asked him a couple more questions. His response - he sent me his phone number again.

So, I have not responded and I have not called him. I considered calling him but opted not to do it. I thought if it is this difficult to explain my feelings and have them be respected I would rather not talk to him. I am not about to be bullied or pushed into something that I don't feel like doing just because.

So the next email was from a guy not in my height range and he must have confused me with another profile. He says "like you, I enjoy watching the Toons and Anime." I am thinking, "Seriously?" "What are you talking about those things are the farthest from my profile as you can get." Oh well, confusion on his part. I checked out his profile- kind of got the oogies from it so not responding to that one either besides he is too short. Sorry I like tall guys.

Then there are the winks from guys with no pictures or guys that are just not on the "want" list. So that is why I feel like I am swimming through mud. There is just no clear path right now.

Learning and understanding

So, I am no longer dating Drew or #2. Of course I haven't said those exact words to him yet. I am hoping I can just let it fizzle on it's own by not accepting anymore invites. I realized there were some distinct disconnections with him. Mostly there was not that spark we all look for in a date. He is nice and seemed fairly genuine but I also felt like he was wanting it more than I did. I also had to be honest with myself, I wasn't attracted to him. I went into not wanting to base any of it on that and I didn't but overall if it's not there, it's not there. What I have to remember is that I am not doing this to settle for a steady guy. I don't need to just get stuck in a pointless situation.

So the questions come to mind, what am I looking for? Are my wants and expectations unrealistic? Am I looking for too much? Yes, maybe I am but I also know that I have been married once already. I know how tough it is to stay in a relationship, it takes a lot work. We can't change people against their will. Basically, I know what I like and I know what I can put up with.

I was seriously on the verge of really trying to go for the exact opposite of what I am attracted to in order to prove that I am more about getting into the core of a person. Finding out who they are on the inside and ignoring anything else. Unfortunately, part of the initial attraction to a person is what stimulates our senses. We need that stimulation to create sparks and get the hormones going. It gives us the adrenalin to keep going.

That being said I was reminded this weekend about what really strikes me in a guy. An old fling came to town to visit. He is a work friend of course (LOL - yes my usual pattern) so several of us gathered for happy hour at Sherlocks. It started out easy going, a couple of beers, some darts, some pool and then a great band. Pretty soon, I am dancing and shaking my hair, drinking beer and having a ball. One thing let to another, a flirt here, a quick comment in the ear, a brush of his hand on my neck and I remembered exactly what it is that makes my pulse race with a guy. It was a fantastically fun night that went on and on till the wee hours. He will be heading back to California on Tuesday and I doubt I will see him before he goes but the best part of the night, realizing I don't want to sacrifice that type of attraction to a guy just because it could mean a short lived romance or even running into an asshole here and there.

You can't deny the primal instincts we are all born with and we shouldn't suppress them to save our hearts.

So I am going to go ahead and reach out to the guys that attract me both physically and mentally. If it is meant to be I will find that perfect combination or passion, common sense, stability and humor.