2010 Post #2

So, I am not doing so hot at updating!! I think about it daily that I should at the very least write something down if I am not going to blog it but never seem to find the time to do it. Not to mention, that writing is painful! Have you noticed how much it hurts to write these days? It is sickening how lazy we all have become with so much technology around.

Well, I do have more to update. One thing I didn't mention was that my daughter lived with friends last year. Long story short, she is a teenager as most of you know and we just weren't getting along. There was a long list of issues and concerns so we changed her environment and she lived with friends for a year. There was high hopes for lot's of progress and appreciation. Well, none of those things happened. So she came home in August. It has been scary but we are surviving. We are actually communicating better for the most part. We still have our ups and downs and I am weary of her but hopeful and very happy to have my baby girl back again. I was lucky enough to find a private school that caters to her needs and allows her to catch up on missed credits from the previous year. It is costly but in the end worth it for the sake of her confidence and over all well being. Keeping my fingers crossed for a strong year!

So, in my last blog I mentioned I started dating someone in June. Yes, after about 5-6 years of no serious relationships and pretty much no dating for the last 5 years, I am in a relationship. His name is Keith. It was pretty much an accident. I never intended to date and I actually tried not to date him because of some things I deemed as undesirable traits. We started as acquaintances in our meditation class then we became friends after the retreat last year. In fact, he had me do readings for him and giving advice regarding a relationship he was in with another woman. I liked him as a friend. There was an occasional pull I would feel but always told myself, I will never date him.

One night we were hanging out and I did a card reading for him about his future relationships. I am looking at the cards and I am thinking, this is about me. But I am not about to tell him that and I am just being silly anyways. Then he asked me if it was okay to ask me out on a date. Right to my face he asked me. My answer - I don't know that I can do that because we are friends and once you cross that line it is hard to ever go back and I stay friends with people. I don't want to lose you as a friend. I can't remember what he said about that because I was pretty floored he asked me to my face!

Well, it started with me inviting him to social functions involving friends because we were friends and I was just expanding our involvement. For the record we were just friends and I honestly didn't think it would ever be more. For one thing I don't have a lot of faith in men or relationships. I also had my list of things I didn't like about him too.

What changed? Well, to put it simply, he got inside my heart. It has been a strange and fast process for both of us. We have a lot of growing and learning to do from each other but so far we are getting through it. I guess you could say the list of good things has grown longer than the bad. We share things in common but what I appreciate most is that we both believe in Buddhism, meditation and overall spiritualism. I like sharing my beliefs and interests with someone. It makes life feel so much simpler when you share common beliefs and it helps to bridge areas that are not so good. So I am not going to go on and on about some perfect love or perfect relationship because that wouldn't be true but does he make me very happy and feel content and safe? Yes.

I don't know what the future holds. Will we be together in 6 months or 12 months? I don't know but I know we talk about life as if that is the case. We have both let some of our walls come down and allowed ourselves to feel true emotions from each other. A big step for each of us. It's scary and exciting all at the same time.

Now if I could get the other parts of my life on the same solid ground!! Would that be too boring? I wish I could experience it to find out!