Dating - what does that mean?

So, I have been talking to some of you about the various intricacies of the dating world. The things we view as acceptable or not. We constantly ask, "Are our expectations too high?" "Has the women's liberation movement made us too strong?" "Are we hypocrits for wanting to have jobs, kids, partners that do laundry/cook, equal pay, and still be treated like a lady?" Is that we want to have our cake served to us on a silver platter but eat with a platinum fork?

I say there is nothing wrong with women having equal rights and the opportunity to pursue their dreams. I also think that the role of the man and woman can still be intact in the dating world. Just because we want the doors opened for us and the tab paid by the men doesn't mean we are greedy. There is nothing wrong with women hold power positions at work and still have a man treat her with respect by opening the doors and paying the tab. It is apart of nature for the males to pursue the women and woo them. In ancient times they fought for the right to claim you as their woman. As times evolved the fighting sometimes stopped but there was still the pursuit. The courtship was a major part of getting to know someone and finding out if they were the one.

I feel like dating today is so fast. There is no time to exchange emails before talking on the phone and once you talk on the phone there is the immediate jump to go on the date. Then you have to decide, will this be a first date kiss or not. By date 2 you pretty much know you are going to have to get the kiss out of the way because the guy is most likely going in for the kill. If you don't you will be labeled as a prude, immature, weird, etc. It's like jumping to the dessert before you have time to savor the appetizer and prepare for the dinner. It is not very satisfying.

I guess I am old fashioned when it comes to dating. I want to get to know people first. I want to be friends and find out the things that make them tick. Learn a little about what they do for a living, how they grew up as kids and a little about their day to day life. What their hobbies, who are their friends, what are their favorite foods, etc. Sure you can try and type it all up in a listed survey on one of the dating website but you miss out on the person's personalities.

I guess I am just out of sync with the rest of the modern world when it comes to dating. I am moving along through it okay but I do feel like there are pieces missing. It actually takes a lot effort to maneuver through the dating world both mentally and physically. It truly makes me understand why I always end of dating friends and co-workers, I already know a lot about them and it is easier to get to the core of a person when you are friends. I am learning and growing through the process. It will take me opening myself up more and allowing people in early on the process so that I can sift through the brown water as I search for my gold nugget in the dirt. Maybe one day I will be a pro at dating and not feel out of sync.

One thing I do know I am not going to sacrifice all my needs and wants. I want the man to open my doors, pay my tab, bring flowers, drive their own car and make the first move. I am tired of being in dead end relationships with men that don't know how to be a real man. No more men with endless debt and no ambition to go beyond their front door or to succeed in life. I want more for me and my future. As materialistic as it may sound, it really doesn't have a lot to do with money. The guy doesn't have to be rich. They just need to be fiscally sound and prepared to stay that way and make me feel spoiled even if they are just brining me a flower picked from a garden. A women can still feel spoiled with being showered with expensive gifts. It's all in the emotional thought and creative fortitude that will make the difference.

Feels like swimming through mud

So things have been very quiet in the dating world. I have received a couple emails and winks but no one really interesting. There was one guy that seemed like he could be interesting but he sent me one email and when I responded he wanted me to call him on the phone.

I don't know what everyone else thinks but I like to get a feel for someone via email first or maybe chatting. It's because I can't carry on a conversation but rather I think phone numbers are personal and I don't want to accidentally end up with someone that won't stop calling or texting me. It's just a little too personal when you haven't even agreed to meet someone or been asked to meet. So I would prefer to keep it online so that I can get a feel for the person.

When he requested that I call him, I politely explained that I wanted to email a few times before we jump onto the phone. I got a short email from him saying I understand and told me that his sisters signed him up a few months ago and he had met some interesting people bla bla bla. He didn't answer any of my questions from my first email. But I took this as a good sign that we could correspond via email for a bit so I responded divulging some more things about myself and asked him a couple more questions. His response - he sent me his phone number again.

So, I have not responded and I have not called him. I considered calling him but opted not to do it. I thought if it is this difficult to explain my feelings and have them be respected I would rather not talk to him. I am not about to be bullied or pushed into something that I don't feel like doing just because.

So the next email was from a guy not in my height range and he must have confused me with another profile. He says "like you, I enjoy watching the Toons and Anime." I am thinking, "Seriously?" "What are you talking about those things are the farthest from my profile as you can get." Oh well, confusion on his part. I checked out his profile- kind of got the oogies from it so not responding to that one either besides he is too short. Sorry I like tall guys.

Then there are the winks from guys with no pictures or guys that are just not on the "want" list. So that is why I feel like I am swimming through mud. There is just no clear path right now.

Learning and understanding

So, I am no longer dating Drew or #2. Of course I haven't said those exact words to him yet. I am hoping I can just let it fizzle on it's own by not accepting anymore invites. I realized there were some distinct disconnections with him. Mostly there was not that spark we all look for in a date. He is nice and seemed fairly genuine but I also felt like he was wanting it more than I did. I also had to be honest with myself, I wasn't attracted to him. I went into not wanting to base any of it on that and I didn't but overall if it's not there, it's not there. What I have to remember is that I am not doing this to settle for a steady guy. I don't need to just get stuck in a pointless situation.

So the questions come to mind, what am I looking for? Are my wants and expectations unrealistic? Am I looking for too much? Yes, maybe I am but I also know that I have been married once already. I know how tough it is to stay in a relationship, it takes a lot work. We can't change people against their will. Basically, I know what I like and I know what I can put up with.

I was seriously on the verge of really trying to go for the exact opposite of what I am attracted to in order to prove that I am more about getting into the core of a person. Finding out who they are on the inside and ignoring anything else. Unfortunately, part of the initial attraction to a person is what stimulates our senses. We need that stimulation to create sparks and get the hormones going. It gives us the adrenalin to keep going.

That being said I was reminded this weekend about what really strikes me in a guy. An old fling came to town to visit. He is a work friend of course (LOL - yes my usual pattern) so several of us gathered for happy hour at Sherlocks. It started out easy going, a couple of beers, some darts, some pool and then a great band. Pretty soon, I am dancing and shaking my hair, drinking beer and having a ball. One thing let to another, a flirt here, a quick comment in the ear, a brush of his hand on my neck and I remembered exactly what it is that makes my pulse race with a guy. It was a fantastically fun night that went on and on till the wee hours. He will be heading back to California on Tuesday and I doubt I will see him before he goes but the best part of the night, realizing I don't want to sacrifice that type of attraction to a guy just because it could mean a short lived romance or even running into an asshole here and there.

You can't deny the primal instincts we are all born with and we shouldn't suppress them to save our hearts.

So I am going to go ahead and reach out to the guys that attract me both physically and mentally. If it is meant to be I will find that perfect combination or passion, common sense, stability and humor.

#2 date with #2

So I just got back from my second date. It went well. By the way his name is Drew but on the radio he goes by Danny Solomon and some people call him Rick which is an old radio name he had for a long time. He was actually named Paul Andrew but his parents always called him Drew so he has a few different names. Weird right? I guess it depends on who we are asking. Me, I have always been Sharon, Sharon Ann Robinson. Oh well! Anyways, we seem to be able to talk for hours about anything. He can even roll through my moments of straight forwardness and possible rudeness! At least that is how he acted - ha ha and swears I wasn't rude! Here are the details.

He asked me to take him to the Apple store since I am such a fan and apparently he could feel my effervescence through my IMs. Go figure! Not sure what he meant by that - LOL!! So we arrange to meet at North Park Mall at the Apple Store. We both arrive at the same time so we track it down on the map and off we go. I showed him the various areas. He asked questions about the differences in the various machines. We tried out an iMac and than a Mac Book Pro which occupied our time for at least an hour. During which we had discussions about the iPhone and it features. He mentioned he would need to take a class to figure out how to use everything on it and low and behold not 10 feet behind us was an iPhone demonstration/workshop taking place right in the middle of the store!! So we hung out watching and learning for at least another 15-20 minutes. It was really cool, I learned a few new things to prepare for my big purchase at the end of the year!

Next we went to dinner. We decided to take one car and I drove to his favorite BBQ place called Bone Daddy's. I don't really have much of an opinion on BBQ since it all pretty much tastes the same to me but the food was really good. The mac and cheese was awesome! The place is filled with TVs everywhere and it is your typical guy hangout with scantily clad gorgeous women working there. He prepped me about it before we got there but when we arrived the place was actually about 40% filled with families - wives and kids. We stayed for 5 hours eating drinking a few beers and talking.

I know you are all thinking, what? Sharon talk for 5 hours?? Holy crap! Ya I know - ha ha

There were a few lulls in conversation where he was kind of going on and on about some of his favorite movies. He would ask about one, I would not know it, he would then describe it to me and when I didn't show any interest he would proceed to tell me about all the great points in the movie and why it was so wonderful. I personally wasn't interested and the points he brought up didn't interest me either. Finally, on movie 3 or 4 I had to laugh and tell him, look I am sorry but I am just not getting it. I just don't watch the same type of movies you do or for the same reasons. Sorry, but this is not going anywhere (the convo) because I am not getting it.

He tries to reel me by asking me for my favorite movie - I tell him "When Dreams May Come" - he busts out laughing. Of course he doesn't have a clue what I am talking about which was a point I wanted to make, we don't watch the same type of movies. I then tell him, I just watch movies that interest me emotionally whether it is through laughter or tears, I am not always interested in the plot or the actors or the acting so I don't have to analyze every nuance - he again busts out laughing. I ask why and he says wow you just chopped off my head! LOL I then have to explain that was not my intention but I was merely trying to explain the differences in our tastes and opinions. It was very funny!

All in all we talked about several different topics. He makes me laugh and he seems to be able to take my bluntness. I took him back to his car at the parking lot and we proceeded to talk more for another hour or so. I even let him kiss me a couple of times which I didn't think I would do. I will admit I kind of felt put on the spot but I gave in figuring well it is better to know if he is a horrible kisser now than later since he obviously wanted to kiss me. The kissing was not so bad even though I was stiff as a board ready to bolt other than I was sitting in my car so where was I going to go!! LOL Boy I sound juvenile! Anyways we talked a bunch more about all kinds of stuff, meditation, spirits, death, family, friends, etc. It was a good end.

So, now - what am I thinking about him and analyzing in my head.

1. I drove to the second place because his car is messy - hmmm, well we are on a date shouldn't he have driven or been prepared. I figured well at least tonight I won't feel bad about letting him pick up the check! (It was a huge struggle for me not to offer to pay half last week)
2. Job - still not sure how steady his job is, seems like he has worked at every radio station in town but I also should chalk it up to the industry.
3. This is the part I am embarrassed to mention but I am going to anyways because it is going through my head. He is a horrible dresser. He is a baggy, shapeless, faded, torn up jeans and t-shirt guy. In a joke he mentioned something about only wearing t-shirts and only owning a couple shirts with collars. Okay everyone knows that I am pretty laid back person but I still like to go out and look nice once in a while. Not to mention at this point in my life I kind would like to be wined and dined a bit. Just for fun, not because it is something I would have to do day in and day out but damn it, it's my turn isn't it!! LOL Why do I alway end up with the ones that have no sense of style or care if they looked like someone loaned their jeans to them which is why they are so torn up and don't fit right? I know it is not important but it is part of the initial attraction right?

Well, it's late and that's all I have the energy to write. I will try and stay diligent and provide more details. I am sure I won't be as colorful or entertaining as my predecessor but hopefully you guys will find some entertainment in reading about my awkward dating blunders!

Trying new things

So this year has been somewhat uneventful and eventful at the same time. What does that mean? Well, since I moved to Texas I have made it a point to go on at least one vacation during the Spring or Summer. I love the beach so it is usually involves someplace with a beach. This year I couldn't do that since I set my sights on buying a house finally. So that meant do vacation, no money, no time.

I started my house hunt in March hoping to find something by the end of the school year. My thought was if I could get into something before the end of the school year, I might still have time to do a small vacation to the beach. That didn't work out. It took a lot longer to find a house than I thought it would. I had to change my search a few times to find the right place. My first pick was Coppell, TX which was just a couple of blocks from my apartment and the schools are very good. Nothing worked out. After bidding on 3 homes it was clear that the market there was too competitive.

I moved my search to Carrollton, TX, still very close but a much bigger city with varying school districts. Carrollton is spread out enough that you will either end up in Lewisville Independent School District, Dallas Independent School District or the Carrollton-Farmer's Branch Independent School District. I know it sounds really silly considering Carrollton has its own school district. These distinctions also meant the quality of homes was all over the board. But I found something I really liked and I was excited. I submitted an offer May 19th and was accepted. Then came the catch, he couldn't close until July 29th so there was a lot of back and forth negotiations to work out. We came to agreements and I actually ended getting a great deal on the house in the end. But it also meant that the entire summer was put on hold due to the house contract. No excess spending or the underwriters for the loan could reject it. So I was stuck.

I am now in the house with a broken foot. Stupid mishap while moving. I am trying to get the painting done with the help of some friends from work. It has been a slow process. I am also on the hunt for new furniture since I didn't have much at the apartment. So there goes the money!! LOL But I am happy and excited to buy things that I really like and reflect my taste.

August 11th two of my very good friends (you know who you are) talked me into creating a real match.com profile. To be silly I created what I thought was an absolutely hilarious profile in January but they were convinced that my pure smart ass attitude would not be very inviting. So one evening the girls gathered to critique it and rewrite it. It was quite funny. Now it is a longer story of who I am without my in your face this is who I am attitude! Next step, I had to actually join and pay for the service otherwise I couldn't read messages that people sent me. I waited a few weeks because it was a tough decision. I swore i would never do it. It was just too weird to me to put myself out there like that but I finally relented and went for it.

What a huge step for me. I am a pretty open person and tell most everyone how it is and exactly what I think. But that is in person which I am comfortable with doing. I don't fully embrace putting myself out there for viewing and scrutiny, it is not the most fun experience. The mixture of curiosity, anticipation and fear don't mix very well. It is very confusing and hard to reign in and stay under control.

So far I have emailed with 3 guys. One in California which only lasted a day. Then 2 more came along that were interesting and funny to banter with via email. I met the first one Tim right away. He was super nice and we had many similar interests and tons to talk about. I taught him to play darts which was a little slow. By the end I knew it was a not a striking connection. He politely emailed his conclusion and we agreed that we would be friends so we are still emailing. Mostly short notes here and there and sharing our love of the beach and dolphins.

Number 2 is a very straightforward and funny character as well. He was very eager to meet after some IM sessions but my schedule just wasn't meshing. Seems like I am in hot demand the last couple weeks and my weekends and some week nights are full! I am loving the activity. So after a couple discussions it became quite clear that I am socially inept at dating! Once I realized it, I had to evaluate the last time I dated unknown guys. The answer 1991! LOL Sure I have had boyfriends and even a husband since 1991 but I always seem to "date" guys that I am already friends with such as my ex husband or my most recent boyfriend who was my best friends brother. We knew each other since we were 13. This is obviously a pattern I have been in since I was very young. My first real boyfriend that I had all my FIRSTS with was a different best friends brother and that started in the 6th grade! Bascially, I don't know how to meet guys and date without having formed a friendship. What does that mean, it explains why I date so many people through friends and work, I don't know any other way. But I am learning.

I am corresponding with number 2 and we have set up another time to get together. What does this mean? It means Sharon is learning to date. To meet people she doesn't know through friends or work. Forging a new way of thinking and hopefully learning to accept requests for dates and feeling comfortable putting myself out there and feeling a little vulnerable. Time will tell!