Learning and understanding

So, I am no longer dating Drew or #2. Of course I haven't said those exact words to him yet. I am hoping I can just let it fizzle on it's own by not accepting anymore invites. I realized there were some distinct disconnections with him. Mostly there was not that spark we all look for in a date. He is nice and seemed fairly genuine but I also felt like he was wanting it more than I did. I also had to be honest with myself, I wasn't attracted to him. I went into not wanting to base any of it on that and I didn't but overall if it's not there, it's not there. What I have to remember is that I am not doing this to settle for a steady guy. I don't need to just get stuck in a pointless situation.

So the questions come to mind, what am I looking for? Are my wants and expectations unrealistic? Am I looking for too much? Yes, maybe I am but I also know that I have been married once already. I know how tough it is to stay in a relationship, it takes a lot work. We can't change people against their will. Basically, I know what I like and I know what I can put up with.

I was seriously on the verge of really trying to go for the exact opposite of what I am attracted to in order to prove that I am more about getting into the core of a person. Finding out who they are on the inside and ignoring anything else. Unfortunately, part of the initial attraction to a person is what stimulates our senses. We need that stimulation to create sparks and get the hormones going. It gives us the adrenalin to keep going.

That being said I was reminded this weekend about what really strikes me in a guy. An old fling came to town to visit. He is a work friend of course (LOL - yes my usual pattern) so several of us gathered for happy hour at Sherlocks. It started out easy going, a couple of beers, some darts, some pool and then a great band. Pretty soon, I am dancing and shaking my hair, drinking beer and having a ball. One thing let to another, a flirt here, a quick comment in the ear, a brush of his hand on my neck and I remembered exactly what it is that makes my pulse race with a guy. It was a fantastically fun night that went on and on till the wee hours. He will be heading back to California on Tuesday and I doubt I will see him before he goes but the best part of the night, realizing I don't want to sacrifice that type of attraction to a guy just because it could mean a short lived romance or even running into an asshole here and there.

You can't deny the primal instincts we are all born with and we shouldn't suppress them to save our hearts.

So I am going to go ahead and reach out to the guys that attract me both physically and mentally. If it is meant to be I will find that perfect combination or passion, common sense, stability and humor.